Anger vs. Control

Rapists generally aren’t motivated by an insatiable appetite for sex.  They are typically motivated by either issues with anger or a need to control.  If you are ever face-to-face with a would-be rapist you can better tailor your response if you know what motivates him.


The Power or Controlling Rapist projects confidence and frequently seems macho and athletic.  He is aggressive and is typically the type who commits date rape.  He is also the type that may stalk and some of his behavior may seem very similar to the stalker.


His goal is not so much to rape you but to control you.  However, the ultimate symbol of control (for him) is rape.  When he begins his attack, he is hoping that you beg, plead, cry, deny – anything to enhance his feeling of control.  He wants you to feel like you can do nothing to prevent this.  In this type confrontation, keep your words few and your actions big.  Project assertiveness with a solid stance and raised hands that tell him to keep his distance.  If contact is made, fight back and fight hard.  Do not stop, do not give up.  Tell him what you want him to do – “Back off”, “Get off”, “Stop it, right now” – your words and your actions should match and the fight should be 100%.  Do not slow down or quit until he leaves or you have the chance to escape safely.


The Anger Rapist is angry toward women.  It may be that he’s angry with women in general or perhaps you are a substitute for someone else.  It’s all the same.  He’s angry.  He is frequently a substance abuser.  His reality stinks and if he can’t escape it he will draw you into it.  If you aggressively fight back, it may give him extra pleasure.  He wants the fight.  However, you must fight.  The secret is in keeping your attack disguised until you are ready to unleash your best efforts.  You may be able to feign cooperation – projecting “I give up” or “I surrender” in word and body language may take the wind out of his sails and encourage him to drop his guard.  Do not ball your hands into fists, do not project an angry face in return.  Show him as calm an outward appearance as you can.  When he is in range, you’ve picked a target and the weapon you’ll use, attack him with all you’ve got.  If he’s bigger and stronger, you may only get one chance so you have got to make it count.  Do not start with a small strike hoping to strike harder if that doesn’t work.  You must go from zero to all-out in an instant.  Surprise is your friend.


If you project surrender to the controlling rapist, he gets what he wants.  Instead, fight hard from the beginning.  If you project power and assertiveness to the anger rapist, he gets what he wants.  Instead, feign surrender, then strike suddenly and viciously.


These two types are generally easy to recognize.  They are not trying to disguise their intent.  Their words will give them away.  If you’re still in doubt, trust your instinct.


Fighting techniques are taught in the seminar.  The video Fierce and Female also teaches some very effective techniques.


Comments are closed.